No.11 | Motherhood

A gratitude list would not be complete before I have something to say about my favorite little things.

This one is 3.5 years old. I love watching him learn new things every day. He is fun and smart and sweet. I love his ears, his smile, the way he says "I love you, Mom!" Even the face he makes when he has just burped. A mixture of pride and mischievousness... I love to watch him play. He is my sweet heart. He is very aware and concerned about things and people around him.

This one is 1 year old. Happy, beautiful, smart, and busy. She has mastered walking and almost mastered running skills. (She needs these for when she steals something from her brother and tries to run away.) She is already talking a little bit too! She can tell me when she wants milk, when she wants "mo(re)", and when she is "dunnn." She is happy to say, "Hi!" when someone walks into the room. She is learning so much, and she brings us so much joy.

I just love being their mother. I'm grateful to get to spend my days with these little ones! My biggest (little) blessings!

No.10 | Everyday Miracles

It has been a rough few days here at home. The little one has one of those "go-big-or-go-home" personalities and it seems that her body has responded. 4 molars all at once makes for a miserable time the past week. Besides the teeth we've been watching a fever all over the place and reach up to 104... and... lets just say I know what a used tissue feels like... Turns out its a sinus infection.

All this drama has really given me perspective on things to be grateful for this week. Its all about the little things people. Those things that happen whether we recognize them or not... the every day, mundane, yet powerfully miraculous things I take for granted most days. For example:

Running water or even one step further... indoor plumbing. What greater gift and blessing than that of a faucet that will emit forth clean, drinkable, bathe-able, warm (if needed) water? I mean seriously?!

Along those lines, I can't forget electricity. Its kind of a big deal... but the things it makes possible are little things that are easily overlooked. PBS would not be watchable, there would be not Pinterest or internet... No cozy lights (or heat...), no working oven (or microwave... and that makes microwave popcorn difficult to pop...). No clean laundry. Just to name a few of my everyday necessities...

How about a pen and paper. Cardboard boxes. Blanket forts. Zippers and buttons. The magic clinging sound of change in a jar. Velcro shoe fasteners. Yoga pants and over sized T-shirts. (maybe I shouldn't admit to that one...) Basically, life is a miracle. Thank goodness!

No.9 | Nature

I have already expressed how grateful I am about the physical ability I have to enjoy the beautiful world around me, but as I got to thinking about it, that beautiful world in and of itself is worth at least a post of its own.

Nature is peaceful, it is ever changing, it is beautiful and mystifying. I love to sit on the porch during a thunderstorm. I love the sound and smell of the rain, the power of the thunder, and the beauty of the bolts of light that flash across the sky. Yet, I love watching the snowflakes fall from a gray sky and land softly in a glittering blanket covering the world below. And I am known to go out of my way to step on a particularly crunchy looking leaf...(and am terribly disappointed if it fails to give a satisfying crunch)

Nature has the ability to stir the soul into contemplation. One can feel an amazing range of emotions while out in nature. I think about the scenes I have looked over at overlook points in the mountains. I feel as though I can see for forever. I can't help but feel small when faced with such majesty and immense space. Yet, I am amazed that I still have a part, however small, in the grand scheme of things. Its humbling and empowering all at the same time.

A night walk down the lane to the creek in my favorite place in the world reveals a Milky Way that is truly beautiful to behold. Yet, there is great beauty in watching humming birds busy flitting from flower to flower.

There is so much to love about the world we live in. We should slow down and truly recognize the magic that happens around us every day.

No.8 | My Body

It might seem a little strange to actually post my thoughts on my own body. But I am constantly amazed at all the amazing things that it can do. It can heal little cuts and massive surgery. I can walk, run, or crawl wherever I need it to take me. I can hear, see, taste, touch, and smell the world around me (for better or for worse) and I have a mind that works well enough that I can think and reason for myself.

There are days (ok more often than I would like to admit...) that I may wish the mirror portrayed a skinnier, stronger, more attractive woman. I may cry about the dissonance I have between what I want to look like (and what society tells me I should be) and what the reality is. But I have to remind myself that it does a lot for me. (That all said, please be kind regarding the pictures I chose to post here... It was a difficult one to choose.)

I have two hands that open and close. Do you know just what a miracle that is?! Its HUGE. I can type, grab objects, and wear gloves and mittens. I may have a few scars, but they remind me of the miracles I have witnessed and what an awesome healer my body is.

I carried two babies (big ones, I might add...) to full term. They were healthy, I was healthy, and there were few complications. I am so very grateful for those blessings, and the little ones running around to constantly remind me of what a miracle that whole process is...

I can eat what I want. That seems to be a theme for me these days. While I shouldn't eat just anything... I have no allergies. I am blessed that this is not something that I have to worry about. I have the physical ability to eat gluten, sugar, milk... meat... and I have the control over my body to decide what I will eat and what I will not.

Overall. I am just grateful for a body that does what it is supposed to do. I am grateful for my health, the health of my family, and the blessing of living where we are close enough to doctors that can help us when we do need the help.

No. 7 | "Cozy"

The word "cozy" just feels warm doesn't it?! After spending a weekend outside helping with a yard sale... I have a new appreciation for the idea of cozy.

So included in my list of gratitude for the month is: my Coco-Motion (perfect hot chocolate every time), Torani's Salted Caramel flavored syrup, my ruby slippers, and my luxury soft blanket. I am also loving my warm coat, fleece lined leggings (worn under your pants for an extra layer of warmth) and mittens with the ability to actually use my phone...

My ruby slippers and my favorite snuggle blanket

I am grateful for a home and a furnace that works. I am protected from the elements and can enjoy a "cozy" time on a cold winter day. I am grateful for a car that runs efficiently, with a heater and a radio that works. (believe me, the radio must play the "McQueen Song" or life is nearly over according to the three year old...)

I am grateful for the warmth of the sunshine. And I am grateful that the snow did not fall despite the forecast. I am grateful for the "cozy" feeling you get when you are able to help someone who really needs it. I may not be able to give much, but I have time, that is my greatest gift to give and I am happy to give it to my friends whom I love dearly.

No. 6 | Friendship

I have been blessed with the most amazingly wonderful friends. I love and adore each of them in ways I cannot describe and I will fail miserably if I attempt such an endeavor. I could spend hours and days on each beautiful woman and what she has done for me and for my family.

But I have thought a lot about friendship recently. I attended my ward relief society meeting recently. Upon returning home I realized that I had been comfortable enough to be my crazy self, and abandon the "socially acceptable adult" shell I tend to put up when I don't know or am uncomfortable around people. I bounced around, made dumb jokes, and had some real conversations with the ladies there. I am so grateful to these women.

These women I live by, and get to associate with weekly at church. They are fabulous and amazing examples to me. I have enjoyed getting to know them and their families. They are real, they are smart, they don't judge, they are kind and amazing and wonderful. I have cried in front of most of them (I teach once a month... so its a fairly regular occurence...) and I enjoy laughing and eating and chatting with them all! There are many here who know and understand what I am going through. They have kids, we all deal with laundry, messy houses, and the "what to cook for dinner"every night question... These women are inspirations to me as they go through life and its challenges with grace and dignity.

I would do anything for them. And I am grateful that I can consider them as friends. I am grateful to the Lord for directing us to this house so I can have these new friends in my life. Thank you all.

PS. No pictures of these beautiful ladies... You can trust me on that though. :)

No. 2 | My Superhero

It is difficult to put into words just how much I love and adore this man! Prepare for a very poor attempt at just that... It will be one of those mushy posts. But the first thing that comes to mind on my gratitude list is my husband. And I am so very lucky that he is mine! (My father tells me all the time that I "got a good one." and I always agree!)We have been married for 5 years. We have lived in 3 places, have had 2 kids, and have been through some rough patches. We have laughed, cried, stressed, and adventured together. What a life we have ahead of us!

He is a hard worker, and enjoys being the protector, provider, and overall superhero for our family. He works all day and comes home to play with the kids, change diapers, and help me with the dishes. Then, as if that weren't enough, he teaches the young men every Sunday, and goes to class every Tuesday and Thursday night so he can get his Master's degree. He is my superhero.

I admire his strength and his optimism in everything. He is a tough guy when he needs to be, but is so very sweet and gentile when he needs to take care of a sick one here at home. Other qualities I admire about him include: intelligent, friendly, and kind. He is the peacemaker in every situation.

He brings me flowers on my rough days, and whispers sweet nothings in my ear just to get a reaction. He doesn't care what I look like today, and encourages me in whatever crazy endeavor I happen to be working on at the time. He puts up with me throwing crazy parties and helps me prepare. (He squeezed 200+ worms out of straws for me just last week!) He makes me laugh, he loves to make the children laugh. He is loyal and worthy for his priesthood responsibilities and takes great care in performing his duties when and where he is needed.

My heart still flutters at the thought of a lifetime spent with him. I love his smile, I love the silly faces, I love the spark of passion lighting his eyes when he works on a new project. I love to be near him, curled up watching a movie, watching football (its more difficult to snuggle with football on..), just talking in the car. He holds my hand every chance he gets. I can't imagine life without him. Love you Babe!

XOXO
Jess

Grandma Alice

I have spent a year trying to write this very post. I have visited and written and re-written it so many times I have lost count. But it is important to post my feelings about my dear grandmother.

It is difficult to fully appreciate the significance and influence one person may have on another until they have passed from this life, leaving a void. I want to tell you about an incredible woman left an unexplained void in my life only a year ago.

Isn't she positively beautiful?!

My connection to her starts on my birthday. That's right, the day I was born. I have always been proud of the fact that I share my special day with my Grandmother. It is the reason that I have the privilege to share her name as well. My parents gave me her name as my middle name. When I was young, I felt that made me very special... and it does. Her legacy is one that I hope to live up to.

There are so many fond memories that run through my mind when I think about visiting her. She lived on a ranch. As a child you could not ask for a more magical place to visit. There were cats to hunt (since they were feral, it was a literal hunt for the kittens if I wanted to hold one, which I always did), ATVs to ride, and mountains to explore. Every night after dinner we would wash the dishes in the sink, then take the scraps out to "feed the chickens." That usually meant that I got to toss the feed everywhere and Grandma would collect the eggs (because those chickens were mean!). Then I would accompany her to the horse barn where I would climb on the hay bales and watch her lift those heavy loads of feed into their bins. I thought she must be the strongest woman in the world... and I still believe it.

There were always hummingbirds flitting from the feeders on the back porch, and adventures to be had everywhere you looked. It is a heaven on earth and that ranch has a special place in my heart. But what made that place so special was Grandma. So many times we would arrive there late at night, she would wait up for us, the heater would be on in the front room, and we would find her there waiting to welcome us home. Some times, despite the hour, we would stay up and chat or play a game of cards.

She was so gifted and talented in her ability to create beautiful things. She took up toll painting and painted beautiful things on plates that lined her living room. She also painted the grand kids special Christmas ornaments for years. They are still the ornaments that go on my tree today. They are beautiful and I know that she thought of me as she made them. I looked forward to those ornaments every year.

One of my favorite memories of my grandmother happened on a weekend that the horses got out through the gate. They made their way to the ponds, where we could see them from the porch. At that time, Grandma used an old golf cart to get around the ranch... When we saw the horses finding the greener grass on the other side, she got up and went out the door. All of the sudden, around the corner of the house we see Grandma on her golf cart. She drove around them and herded those two horses back through the fence with amazing speed and agility. I don't know if John Wayne could have done a better job, and it made it better that she was driving a golf cart.


She is an inspiration to me. She did not live an easy life. Hers was a journey of heartache and loneliness. Yet I didn't get the sense that she lived with self-pity nor did she seem to need (or want) help from everyone. She didn't wish for things to be better. She made things work for her, or she did without.

I never met my grandpa, he passed away long before I came around. I loved to have her tell me the story of how she met him. She always smiled a sly smile when she told me how she went to a dance with a another guy and left with "Bob." I like to think that their reunion was a sweet one, though she probably gave him a stern talking to about leaving her there for so long...

It was difficult for me to watch her body deteriorate over time. The difficult life she led left her body in pretty bad repair... She spent a long time in the nursing home in town. I remember when she was moved there because it was physically impossible to live on the ranch alone. I remember feeling like the woman in that room was not my grandmother. I hated to see such a free, independent spirit stuck in a bare hospital room... Her mind was sharp as a tack until the day she died. Her body just wouldn't comply... She had to adjust. And she did. That fiery lady I knew and loved came back. She eventually recovered enough to take trips to the town park and we would have to run to keep up with her motorized wheelchair. That time was full of all sorts of new kinds of memories.

Family was so very important to her. She loved each of her children so much I could see it in her face when she talked about them. Every inch of her wall was covered with of pictures of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She loved to point to each one and tell us about this baby or that event. And I will never forget the glow of joy on her face when she was able to go to the St. George temple to have her son sealed to her. I am so glad I got to be there for such a tender moment for her.

Brayden's first time to Kanab. We got a 4 generation picture there at the city park!

St. George Temple. Grandma was so happy, it made me cry. 

I learned from her that your story can be simple and less glamorous than the rest of the world consider great, but it is all about your family. She was a rock, a solid foundation for her family. A haven for those traveling (at least she was for me). She exemplifies strength, courage, wisdom, patience, unconditional love, all with a sense of humor wrapped up in one. She is my hero.

My ability to write does not do this amazing woman justice. I admire her and hope to live up to the legacy she left for me. I am grateful for the opportunity I had to know such an incredible woman, and I know the world is a better place because of the 91 1/2 years she spent in it.

I love her and I miss her so much. But I am so very grateful for the knowledge of eternal families. I am glad to know that I get to see her, meet my grandpa, and be with them again. And so I wish her all the blessings of heaven. Until we meet again dear Grandma Alice. Say hello to everyone for me!

xoxo
Jessica

Much Ado About Nothing...

It is amazing to me that I run around all day long, seven days a week with my head filled with thoughts, ideas, and worries... Things I wish I could say, things that I should put on my grocery list, things I should do to make my home life more functional, project details, party plans, when the baby was fed last, and so on and so forth... and yet, every time I sit down to write another blog post... it all magically vanishes and I feel like I have nothing to say, whatsoever...

Just ask my aunt who lovingly gave me a ride tonight... I don't really ever stop talking... especially when a poor adult tends to walk into my line of vision... (it might have something to do with regular, adult companionship... but lets face it, I talk a LOT about kid stuff...)

So why is it that I tend to never have anything to say when I sit down to write? It seems to me that I am too concerned with what others might think... and what information people will find enjoyable to read... If I am quite honest with myself, I am afraid that I might bore someone to death... but then part of me says, "its their own fault if they keep reading and they don't like it..." right?

I have been bogged down with a lot of extra thoughts and feelings lately. Stress is the main factor in this new increase of... overwhelming nothing-ness... but things are calming down to the point I seem to be able to think through a full and coherent sentence again... (this also means that communication with my hubby is back in full swing... lucky him!)

And so this is a post about nothing! Wow, how low can you go!?! Its a test to see if I can free myself of the ever concerning worry about what everyone else will think of me. I enjoy writing and it is (and always has been) a great way for me to release stress build up over the days... and weeks, as it were. And so, at risk of the ever popular quote/cliche (its a bit over played, but I love it all the same!) I am learning to "Let It Go." Ha! I just went there! And there is nothing anyone can do about it, except maybe close the window and go on with their productive lives.

At risk of disappointing my one reader... I'll post an adorable photo (or two) of my littles to enjoy while I get up the gumption to post something of actual... significance. XOXO

PS. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2014 Resolution #3

#3: Be There and Get Messy!

I am the first to admit, I am addicted to the technology that is so readily available to me. I am a lover of my Pinterest account and I waste spend too much time browsing that site for more inspiration for a dream life that is impossible for me to obtain. I am a victim of what is being termed "Pinterest-stess" as I feel enormous pressure to live a perfect life, raise perfect children, and have all the latest and greatest gadgets in my house all while living on a budget, clipping coupons, and making my own soap. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my pins and I have found them incredibly helpful and inspiring.

I have come to the realization (and its embarrassing to publicly admit that this had to be a realization to me) that while technology is fun... there is something much more important to me. Actually, there are two somethings that are more important to me than anything in the world. So why do they get pushed aside so I can win the next level in a stupid game?

Enter my new year's resolution #3 part 1. I just want to be there! I want to "play cars" when Brayden pulls on my leg. I want to build forts and be there for every smile Madi bestows on me. So what have I done so far?

I put my cell phone on the counter. I got on the floor to drive cars around the carpet and I played peek-a-boo with Madi for a half hour... Why? This is the fastest return on a resolution I have ever had. Already I have witnessed an increase in Brayden's pretend play (which makes my mommy-heart flutter with pride), I was with Madi as she rolled over by herself for the very first time, and I never get tired of her giggles!

Time for part 2. Get Messy.

I have never considered myself to be an immaculately clean individual. I have never been able to conquer the clutter that surrounds me... My house has never looked like those beautiful homes I see in magazines, and on blogs...(can you say "Pinterest-stress" with me?)

But the challenge of having a two-year old and keeping a clean home is an ongoing battle that is incredibly exhausting! I feel like I spend all day saying "No, don't touch that" "No... don't bang that around"... you get the idea. I am tired of it and so is Brayden. So I chose to add "get messy" onto my list of resolutions. What does that mean for me?

Today I watch Brayden "wash" his hands in finger paint (meaning it was up to his elbows...). Then I sat down next to him and stuck my whole hand into it too and showed him how to make hand prints. It was a very special moment I got to have with my little boy who is growing up all too quickly.

There are plenty of other resolutions and goals I have on my list. But for now, these are the ones I am working on. What are your recent resolutions?

2014 Resolution #2

If you are wondering where my #1 went... its over here... :)

#2 is Organize the house. Yes, we bought a house almost an entire year ago... but I was experiencing the sickness that comes the first half of my pregnancies, so I let my dear husband unpack the kitchen (he was doing the cooking for himself anyway...). As the year progressed, so did my pregnancy. One excuse after another got me to early September when we welcomed Madi into our lives... The past few months have been survival of the newborn stage.

So now, almost a year later, I am ready to officially move into my house! There are boxes that need to be tackled, and the puzzle of how to fit our previous possessions into a new place is perplexing. Step by step, room by room, puzzle by puzzle I intend to tackle the organizing dilemma one little bit at a time to make my house into a home! (Cross my fingers I can/will actually post my progress!)

2013 in Review

As I look forward to the upcoming year, my list of goals seems to grow and I find I have mixed feelings including excitement, hope, determination, and a little apprehension concerning what lies ahead. Life took us for a ride last year and it is always fun (and good) to look back and see what we accomplished last year! So here it goes! (This is promising to be a long post... just a fair warning!)

January:

Brayden. discovered the fun of snow and thought it was great fun to help Dad shovel the driveway of our apartment.

February:

We found, put in an offer, and officially closed on a house in about 18 days! It was a whirlwind of an adventure and HUGE step for us and our family! 

We also sent a sister on her mission to Florida. 

March:

We got a puppy! We adore her! This is Sunny!

Brayden turned 2!

We took a family trip to St. George for Easter!

April:

We spent some fun time playing with my brother before we sent him on his mission to Florida.

May:

Brayden found out he is getting a sister! And (as luck would have it) a girl cousin! PS. We had to sell Sunny... I cried for days... but she has a good family that will take care of her.

June:

We got to see Mary Poppins at the Tuacahn.

Finally reached the 3rd trimester!

 We went camping with my parents. Brayden discovered the dirt... he was dirtier in person... my mom also taught me how to crochet!

Mom and Grandma were talking crochet... look at what he was reduced to! We call it "Glamping"

July:

Colonial Days for the 4th.

Hot air balloons. Brayden wasn't so sure about it all...

August:

Lap time with Mother Goose at the library

Pony ride at the petting zoo

September:

We welcomed our daughter (Madilynn) to the family.

We welcomed our little cousin this month too!

Brayden loves his little sister!

October:

October is usually a big month for us. Madilynn was given a name and a blessing, I took the opportunity to take a few fall pictures... and we had our Halloween party! 

One Month Old!

November:

We went to the zoo with Grandma and Grandpa. Brayden had a blast!

2 Months Old!

November was also when we south to attend my Grandmother's funeral. She was an incredible woman and she will be sorely missed. 

December:

3 Months Old!

Sleigh Ride for Grandma's Birthday!

Brayden's first encounter with Santa after our sleigh ride.

Nutcracker play!

Great-grandma with all the kiddos! 5 babies this year! 

Homemade candied almonds to share with the neighbors! 

Christmas Eve with our PJs and our new book!

Merry Christmas from Florida

Temple Square on Christmas

Cindy Loo-who is ready for the last party of the year!

Its a bit of a "Grinch-y" theme... 

What an amazing year!